ISLAMIC PARENTING IN SANDWICH GENERATION

This study aimed to find out more about Islamic Parenting in Sandwich Generation. The research method used in this research is qualitative research with a case study approach. This research was conducted by collecting observation data and interviews with the parents of the SDN 027962 Binjai students who are the sandwich generation according to the journal of M. Sahal. The selection of the study location was based on interviews from parents of students who complained about their positions as sandwich generation. The study was conducted on 3 parents of students. The data analysis technique was carried out by data reduction, data presentation, and conclusion. The results of this study indicated that the application of Islamic parenting in the sandwich generation has been going quite well. The differences found in implementing Islamic parenting were based on differences in parents' economic conditions, which gave impact to the availability of time and understanding of religion by parents who became the sandwich generation. Parents who had low economic conditions tend to use practical parenting and rely on the involvement of experts (parents or teachers) to cover the lack of time that can be provided to care for their children. The study concluded that efforts to implement Islamic parenting based on M. Sahal’s journal such as al-Mukalatah or socialization, al-I’tiyad or habituation, al-Ta’allum or learning, internalization and integrity, and religious children can be applied to families experiencing the sandwich generation.


INTRODUCTION
A decent education is the right of every child. Nevertheless, children need guidance from adults, including parents and the environment, to get a proper education. Parents have the role of educators and coaches of children (Sit & Nasution, 2021). The role of parents is called parenting.
Parenting is an educational effort carried out by the family, which uses several existing references from the surrounding environment to educate children. Another definition of parenting is the cycle between family and children, which consists of several rights, such as the right to eat, be guided, and be protected during their growth and development. The parenting principle is not too focused on the actors but on the activities and roles that contribute to children's development and education stages (Candra, 2018).
The urgency of parenting is contained in the Qur'an at-Tahrim verse 6 as follows: O believers! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, overseen by formidable and severe angels, who never disobey whatever Allah orders-always doing as commanded." Ibn Katsir interprets the verse above that the meaning of protecting yourself and your family from the fire of hell is to educate and teach your family about ways to obey Allah's commands and stay away from His prohibitions. Parents will be asked to take responsibility for their children before being asked about their responsibilities to their parents. Ibn Qayyim said that those who waste and do not educate their children would cause problems. The problem is caused by the child's behavior resulting from the parent's negligence. The cause can be a lack of affection, education, and many more. (Maghfiroh et al., 2013).
Full implementation of parenting cannot be achieved overnight but requires commitment and continuity (Yudho Bawona, 2021). However, sometimes parenting cannot be carried out optimally, for example, due to the factor of large number of family members. Research shows that family circumstances, such as many family members, also affect parenting given by parents to children. Informants with a small number of family members still have sufficient time to provide parenting to their children, in contrast to families with many family members. As a result, child's care is not fully accepted because parents should meet the needs of family life (Rahayu & Amanah, 2008).
The phenomenon of the sandwich generation further complicates it. Ward in Kusumaningrum (2018) describes that the sandwich generation is a condition in which an individual who has entered adulthood, works, and has a family must be responsible for raising their children and their families. The family in question includes members of non-productive age, such as parents or siblings who need economic support.
With regard to the management of parents, Islam provides guidance through Q.
S. An-Nisa verse 36 as follows: "Worship Allah and do not associate anything with him. And be kind to your parents, kinsmen, orphans, the poor, the neighbour who is near and the neighbour who is far away, and your companion Ibn sabil and your bondman. Indeed, Allah does not like the arrogant." Muhammad Hasbi Al-Shidiqy (1995) interpreted this verse in tafsir An-Nur, so that they behave ihsan (good) to both parents, fulfill their rights, and be truthful to parents because they are the ones who deliver the presence of children in the world, educate and raise children with sincerity, eventhough they have to face various obstacles.

Sandwich Generation
Today, the phenomenon of the sandwich generation is known. The sandwich generation is adults with multiple dependents who have to bear the lives of their children and nuclear family before (elderly parents or brothers and sisters who need financial support) (Kusumaningrum, 2018). The first use of this term appeared in 1981 when Dorothy Miller published a work entitled "The Sandwich Generation: Adult of the Aging" (Husain & Sartika, 2021).
The sandwich generation belongs to the extended family. According to Puspitawati, an extended family is a family with a father, mother, or child with a relative such as parents, in-laws, or uncles and aunts who live in the same house (Puspitawati, 2019).
This sandwich generation is a generation that is connected by the conditions of having to live and assume responsibility for the nuclear family and the previous family. This phenomenon then impacts to the care of children who live in the house because they live in one environment consisting of several adults with different characters.
Factors that influence the emergence of the sandwich generation consist of several factors such as (a) the increasing number of children who still live at home while they continue their higher education, (b) an aging population; (c) the need for health is growing as a result, (d) an increasing shift to informal (family) care, and the movement of family members to other areas (Burke, 2017).
Several studies have shown that being in the position of the sandwich generation, which raises children at the same time as caring for elderly parents, has increased the risk of stress for the sandwich generation. (Solberg, Solberg, and Peterson 2014). It is understandable because the household burden becomes heavier if the number of family members is large and non-productive. The large economic burden increases the high level of stress in children (Oktaviani & Lukmawati, 2018) who have become parents, which in turn impacts marital relations and parenthood (Indira, 2017).
In line with Solberg's research, another study of the sandwich generation and the psychological effects felt especially by mothers leads to stress, feelings of sadness due to not being able to do good parenting, despair, frequent anger and other negative emotions. In addition, respondents also feel physically tired, and the pressure of parenting at home as well as office work. This is because after work, working mothers directly carry out parenting duties, not only to children but also to elderly parents. (Kusumaningrum, 2018).
Statistics in Indonesia based on the census show that the Indonesian population aged 20-54 years who are the sandwich generation amounted to 71,621,318 people or 26.5 percent of the total population of Indonesia. The dependency ratio in 2020 is 47.7 percent, which means that every 100 people of productive age will bear 48 people of unproductive age (Dina Karina, 2022).
In Islam, this sandwich generation is not considered a burden. On the contrary, it can be considered a blessing in life. The sandwich generation phenomenon can be a place for a child to implement what is called birrul walidain (Komariah, 2021).
Allah SWT says in the Qur'an Surah Luqman verse 14: We have commanded people to ˹honour˺ their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return." Bearing the burden of responsibilities of two families, such as parents, children, and wives, can be equated with alms. It has its value for Allah SWT. Al Qadhi Abu Syuja (Abu Syuja, 2012) explains that a child is obliged to provide for his parents if his parents are in bad condition and can no longer earn a living. It can also be parents with difficult financial conditions and other children who have not been able to work.

Islamic Parenting
As a kaffah religion, Islam has provided instructions for humans to guide in carrying out the best life as a Khalifah. For example, in connection with the phenomenon of parenting and sandwich generation, Islam has presented what is called Islamic parenting (Anwar & Cristanti, 2019).
In millennial families, husbands and wives tend to work, so inevitably their parents participate in providing care for their children. The participation of millennial parents in providing care and family education to children of millennial parents results in parenting patterns that are not only carried out by parents, but also grandparents who play a role in providing care and family education to their grandchildren (Husain & Sartika, 2021).
According to Islamic teachings, Islamic parenting is parenting children in the process of growth and development. (Rachman 2014). According to Abdullah Nashih Alwan in Anis Nur Lailiyah and Lauwahatul Izzah (2021) in the book Tarbiyah al-Aulad fi al-Islam, exemplariness of parents in children's education can be implemented in parenting.
In the book Al-Thifl Baina Al-Waratsah wa Al-Tarbiyah, Muhammad Taqī Al-Falsafī in Wan Muhammad (2021) suggests that education in children includes do not break promises with children; train children to be honest; glorify the child's personality; foster faith in children; and not excessive in loving children. In line with that opinion, research conducted by Adi Heriyadi (2021) revealed that honesty education for children is how to coordinate their hearts and brains through words and actions.
Based on the journal of M. Sahal ( 2020) Islamic Parenting that can be applied in dealing with the sandwich generation phenomenon is: First, al-Mukalatah or Socialization. In this phase, parents can start by showing their children behavior that reflects Islamic etiquette (Pertiwi & Muminin, 2020). This process can be done through observation or al Mushahadah, and mentoring or al-Musahabah (Ningrum, 2015). Parents can observe the extent to which the child can adopt the exemplified behavior. Then, parents can guide the child to find out the child's shortcomings.
Second, al-I'tiyad or habituation. The habituation referred to here is supervision, which is disciplinary. It ensures they can continuously carry out what their parents have taught them. Manners that can be accustomed to such as eating with the right hand, respect for elders, cover the genitals, love each other and share (Machfudh, 2020).
Third, al-Ta'allum or learning. Learning process or al-Ta"allum will begin when the child is 7 years old, the period when the child begins his formal education. (Ningrum, 2015). In this phase, it is enough for parents to monitor their children's behavior because, in general, in this phase, children have started attending formal schools. In this phase, parents must teach recitation of the Qur'an and Islamic law, which children will need.
Fourth, namely internalization and integrity. In this phase, the child can carry out worship and is obligatory of his own volition. Parents can help children to stay istiqomah by praying for them. Suwarto, Yulistyaningrum and Hartinah, 2019 in Yessy Nur (Sary, 2020) stated that parents can also teach cultural values in this stage, because one of the factors that affects the success of parenting is culture.
Fifth, the religious children. Research conducted by Yuarini revealed that Islamic Parenting has an impact on children's obedience (Pertiwi & Muminin, 2020). In this phase, children have become part of the expected Islamic generation. Pious children is the ultimate goal of this Islamic parenting (Machfudh, 2020).

RESEARCH METHODS
This research was conducted over three months and used qualitative field research with case studies. The researcher chose this method to get an in-depth picture of the object studied by this qualitative method. Furthermore, as a binding instrument, the researcher seeks to collect data and information by observing social situations related to Islamic Parenting in the Sandwich Generation.
The data in this study were obtained through in-depth interviews. This study started from the complaint of one of the parents of students who are single parents and becomes the sandwich generation. The initial respondents were 10 people, 7 of whom were not willing to be interviewed in depth so that the respondents in this study amounted to 3 parents of students who are mothers and First, the sandwich generation must have become parents; Second, the sandwich generation has at least one child under the age of 18 and looks after their parents or in-laws; Third, the remaining children also depend on the sandwich generation; Fourth, provide care to at least one parent/in-law; Fifth, Parents/in-laws who or used to share the same house where the sandwich generation family resides. Researchers worked with teachers at the school in an effort to determine respondents who fit the above criteria.
After determining the appropriate respondents, the researcher together with the teacher went to the homes of all respondents. Researchers explain the purpose of the study, the data to be collected and ask permission to the respondents. After respondents gave their permission and willingness, researchers conducted in-depth interviews guided by a list of questions regarding Islamic parenting and its application such as al-Mukalatah, al-I'tiyad, al-Ta'allum, internalization and integrity, and becoming religious child. Interviews were conducted for about 60 to 90 minutes per session.
The secondary data of this research are in the form of data documents about books, scientific journals, and articles relevant to this research. Data analysis techniques include data reduction, data presentation, and conclusion.

RESULTS AND DISCUSSION Respondent Profile
The first respondent mentioned in this study, the A1 family, is a respondent with the status of a mother who works as a private employee.
Through the interviews, respondents stated that being busy at work more or less affected the parenting pattern that was given to the child. It is because the time respondent spent on work was quite a lot, and most of her free time was spent resting. However, behind busy work demands, the respondent stated that she still took the time to apply the best care for her children.
The second respondent is the A2 family, a respondent with the status of a mother who works as a government employee. Respondent works in hospitals with working hours for 8 hours a day starting from 09.00 -16.00 PM Monday -Saturday. In her experience as a government employee and a mother, respondent gave authority to her parents to take care of her children while working. This parenting system has been implemented from one year old until the child is seven years old. On weekends the respondent would spend time with the child so that the child would still feel close to his parents. Usually, they would go to tourist spots instead of spending time at home.
The third respondent included in this study, family A3, is a respondent with the status of a mother who works as a chicken seller and starts her work from 03.00 am to 08.00 am. The fact that the cost of living is high makes the respondent inevitably participate in making a living. In addition, the respondent still has to bear the living expenses of her parents and younger sister, who live with her in the same house.
The respondent's participation in earning a living certainly affects the pattern of parenting she provided to her two children. Respondent stated that her parenting style was neither too restrictive nor too authoritarian. Instead, respondent gave full trust to the child so that, based on the respondent's information, her two children tend to grow up realizing their rights and obligations as a child and try to maintain their parents' trust.
Based on the results of research conducted by researchers to respondents, here In the A1 family, respondent said parents are the first to teach social etiquette to their children in the family environment. Meanwhile, the role of grandparents is to remind children if they forget to apply adab in daily life. Adab is applied, for example, when parents talk and behave with older people. The results of this study support the results of research (Erzad, 2018), which reveals that family is the first place children get an education. The character and personality of the child are formed first in the family. Parents should have concepts or provisions in educating their children, which include moral or character education, scientific education, religious education, being fair to children, and giving attention and affection to children. Parents are role models for their children. Therefore, the role of parents is very important in the development and formation of children's character from an early age.
In the A2 family, respondent said parents and grandparents also teach their children or grandchildren the socialization of etiquette.
In addition, parents and grandparents together teach and remind children about daily etiquettes, such as stopping for a moment when they hear the call to prayer. The results of this study are in line with the results of research from (Busra, 2019), which revealed that parents have a very important role in fostering children's mental and education, considering that the good and bad behavior of children depends on how parents instill character and the basics of faith in their children. Moreover, parents are the only ones who serve as their children's role models. Therefore, they must set an example for their children.
In the A3 family, respondent said this socialization function is more dominantly carried out by parents. On the other hand, socialization by teaching daily etiquette tends to be done by grandparents who have more time at home, such as speaking good words. In the A1 family, respondent said parents habituated their children by supervising. Reprimanded him if he made a mistake, and provided supplements such as reward or punishment according to what the child did. Rewards were given as prizes, while punishment was in the form of confiscating electronic devices or turning off the television. Grandparents in this family tend to familiarize children with giving advice and rewards such as pocket money or free play time. The results of this study are in line with the results of research from (Anggraini, 2019), which states that educators are expected to provide rewards in the form of praise (verbal and non-verbal), respect, prizes (giving stationery), and tokens of appreciation (giving stickers) as well as giving gifts. Punishment in the form of preventive punishment (scaring with words and giving prohibitions) and repressive punishment (giving assignments) should be applied in and outside of learning to impact students positively. Wisdom is needed in providing rewards and punishments for children because only some rewards and punishments positively impact children.

Al-I'tiyad
Meanwhile, in A2 families, respondent said parents tend to discipline their children's behavior when they made mistakes. For habituation, parents sometimes gave rewards to children. Rewards in this family tend to be given by grandparents.
In A3 families, parents were more inclined to reprimand children due to their busyness in earning a living. The respondent said parents did not give rewards if the child did good habits because parents thought that it was normal to do so. The function of supervision in this family was more for grandparents. In the A1 family, respondent said parents taught their children gradually about the importance and obligations of obligatory worship first, such as the five daily prayers and fasting in Ramadan, followed by practical examples. After that, it was accompanied by teaching sunnah worship, such as fasting on Mondays and Thursdays. Finally, grandparents did parenting ta'allum by reminding children to recite the Qur'an. The results of this study support the results of research from (Sumarji & Rahmatullah, 2018), which reveals that increasing the reading of the Qur'an is important in the world of education. By studying the Qur'an, it is hoped that the spiritual level of students will increase so that it will impact the students' cognitive, affective, and psychomotor domains.

Al-Ta'allum
The A2 family also applied ta'allum by teaching mandatory worship, such as praying five times and fasting in Ramadan, and sunnah worship, such as Dhuha prayer and dhikr. In addition, Grandparents reminded children to pray on time. This study's results align with the results of research from (Hermawan, 2018), which states that parents are responsible for providing prayer education to their children from the age of 7 years. Although at the age of 7 years, it is not yet an obligation to children, parents should still educate them by Islamic law. At the age of 7 years, children can and must begin to be trained to do prayers and be given intensive education about prayer through methods that make it easier for children to understand prayer. It is done until the child turns ten years old. When the child has reached the age of 10, it is obligatory to do the prayer. If he misses it according to the hadith of the Prophet SAW, then hit him without causing injury.
Whereas in A3 families, parents only taught compulsory worship. Respondent said, when parents were at home, parents reminded children to always perform obligatory worship, such as praying five times a day. Meanwhile, grandparents taught children about sunnah worship and reminded children to be diligent in adding and repeating the memorization of the Al-Quran. In the A1 family, respondent said parents taught their children a lot about cultural values combined with religion. Take for example, children are always taught to ask permission to their parents when they leave home, which is a form of ethics taught by the Prophet Muhammad to Muslims both young and old (Saputra, 2010).

Internalization and Integrity
Grandparents serve as reminders in this aspect, such as reminding children to kiss the hands of both parents and grandparents when they say goodbye. Kissing older's hand is one example of religious character education (Esmael & Nafiah, 2018).
The results of this study support the results of research by (Astuti, 2021), which reveals that Birrul Walidain is kind to both parents, gentle, do not raise voice in front of both parents, do not fight, obey both of them, do what he does. Birrul Walidain also makes you happy; stay away from what make them angry, respect them, make them happy, and pray for them both life and death. The command to worship parents in the Qur'an parallels with the command to believe and worship Allah. According to the hadith, doing good to parents is jihad.
In the A2 family, parents used religion as the basis for attitude and behavior, combined with culture. For example, respondent said families taught children not to invite in guests who come to the house when there are no adults other than family. This principle is applied to Islamic teachings that it is not permissible for a Muslim to be alone in the same room with a non-mahram. Grandparents were in charge of reminding children.
In A3 families, parents taught children religious values combined with culture. For example, respondent said parents set an example to always eat with the right hand according to religion. While grandparents added the virtue of using the right hand from a cultural point of view. In the A1 family, parents reinforced children who are inclined to culture and religion, for example, by teaching children about sharing with others. Respondent said parents taught about sharing, for example sharing food with others, which is a form of courtesy in society and also teaches compassion for Muslims. Meanwhile, grandparents had a position as a reminder for children to apply these cultural and religious values.

Becoming a Religious Child
In the A2 family, children were always taught to practice religion as the basis of life. Respondent said parents in this family diligently supervised how their children implemented the five daily prayers. Meanwhile, grandparents reminded children to worship on time.
In the A3 family, this task was left to the grandparents due to the lack of time for parents to supervise the children's daily religious behavior and the lack of parental understanding. Respondent said parents invited Islamic teacher to tutor their children, and grandparents oversaw the course of the learning activities.

CONCLUSION
Based on the results and discussion above, it can be concluded that both parents and grandparents have made Islamic parenting even though they are in the status of the sandwich generation. For them, holding the status of the sandwich generation is a blessing that they should still be grateful for. Applying Islamic parenting such as al-Mukalatah or socialization, al-I'tiyad or habituation, al-Ta'allum or learning, internalization and integrity, and religious children cannot run on their own without family support. It takes a joint commitment from all family members who live at home to understand and carry out Islamic parenting for children.